Do you think that fathers sit around and gloat about whether or not their child is breast fed or formula fed? Do you think that they are commenting to each other whether they let their child cry-it-out or not? Or what about how they disciple their child? Most likely not. So why do mothers sit around and judge one another about how they raise their child? The answer is still unknown to me.
I understand that mothers are always looking to do what is best for their child, but why does it matter what the mother next to us is doing? From topics such as breast feeding vs. formula feeding to what carseat to buy, mothers tend to become very passionate about the choices they make and even if they don’t mean to, sometimes they need a validation from other mothers that they are doing something right. So what happens when the mother don’t get that validation? She feels like she is doing something wrong. When in reality she isn’t doing anything wrong, she is doing something different.
I have noticed more lately how cruel some mothers can be. Sometimes intentional and other times not, either way it hurts just the same. Why can’t we support and encourage each other? Why does it need to be a competition? I know what a lot of you are thinking….”I don’t care what other mothers are doing.” but in reality you do. You may not even realize that you do care, but you do. One of the common topics that mothers are very passionate about is breast feeding vs. formula feeding. I have heard many times over the slander towards women who CHOOSE to formula feed their baby from breast feeding moms. The comments go something like breast is best why wouldn’t you want to give your baby what is best or if it is necessary to use formula that is fine, but not breast feeding because it is hard or you don’t want to is not a good enough reason. Why does it matter how we feed our children? If formula works for me then I shouldn’t have to explain or feel less like I mother because I do that.
There was even one mother who went as far to say that I didn’t birth my son because I had a c-section. Her reasoning was that I didn’t do any work that the doctor did all the work. Why does it matter how my son came into this world? Why does it matter if it was necessary or not? My right as a mother is to choose what I want to do with my body and if I want to have a c-section just because I want to have the baby on a certain day, that is between my doctor and me.
Instead of trying to get other mothers to do what you think is right, wouldn’t it be better to encourage other mothers to do research themselves to find out what is best for their own family. Each family is different and what works for one family may not work for another, just like what worked for one child may not work for the next. So instead of making condescending comments or judging others for doing something different, encourage the mother to make the right decision for them.